Yearning to Feel Seen

I yearn to feel seen. I want to feel known. This desire has grown more insistent over the last few years.

You might think I mean I want to feel seen and known by others. And yes, part of me does. But a bigger part of me knows it’s about something deeper—feeling seen and known by myself.

What I’ve learned is that if I want to feel seen, I have to create that feeling for myself. If I want to feel known, I have to become known to myself first. Only then can I be truly seen or known by anyone else.

Or at least, that’s how it played out in my work and my desire to feel valued.

When the Work Didn’t Feel Valuable

There was a time when I managed strategic projects. At a software company, I led a team through research, analysis, and decision-making to determine where the company’s European HQ would be. Then, I orchestrated the creation of legal entities in multiple countries, opened foreign bank accounts (no small feat), seconded expat employees, and explored how to enter the Chinese market.

At a media company, I built and launched a paid online membership platform and led the launch of peer coaching programs into corporate environments.

I did good work. I moved things forward. I got things done.

And yet, I left both companies feeling deeply undervalued. I felt like a failure.

At first, I blamed others. They didn’t recognize my contributions. They didn't value my leadership. They saw me as just a cog in the wheel. And maybe that was partly true. But eventually, I had to confront something unsettling—what if I felt undervalued because, deep down, I didn’t value the work myself?

The Lightbulb Moment

On the surface, I was engaged. I was committed. No one could accuse me of phoning it in.

But something about the work—the way it required me to engage my strengths—didn’t feel valuable enough to me.

That realization changed everything.

If I kept choosing work that didn’t feel intrinsically valuable, I would always feel undervalued. It wasn’t just about finding work I was good at. It was about finding work that felt meaningful at a deeper level.

That’s what coaching and facilitation feel like for me. I feel the value while I’m doing it.

Coming Back to Being Seen and Known

So, what does this have to do with my yearning to feel seen and known?

If I had to feel the value myself before I could feel valued by others in my work, doesn’t the same principle apply here?

The good news is, I’m not starting from nothing. I’ve already cultivated self-awareness through:

• A lot of reflection and trial and error

• A 25-year journey of career changes

• Relationships and deep conversations with close friends

• Personality assessments like the Enneagram

• And yes, even astrology reports and intuitive readings

And yet, there’s still more to uncover.

Right now, my working hypothesis is this: I can increase my experience of feeling seen and known by writing and publishing.

By putting words on the page, I document how I see the world, why I think the way I think, and what I hope for. Writing forces me to examine my own perspective—to see myself more clearly and know myself more deeply.

And So, Here We Are

This is the beginning.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading my very first blog post on Life from Within. If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. How do you cultivate the feeling of being seen and known?

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